Some serious talk but chill guys!

It’s been a while I’m not updating my blog. Alhamdulillah I’m doing great so far. It’s been almost 2 weeks I start working in the office. I’m still in the mode of adjusting myself. Talking about adjusting, since I was diagnosed as a cancer patient, there’s a lot of thing that would definitely change. Starting with myself of course. I’m still trying hard to accept what did happened to me in the past 3 month. It’s not an easy. I’m trying to accept with the new me. Sometimes it’s so hard to face the fact that I was sick. It’s hard for me to know that I had changed. Things would be different from now on. Really it’s not that easy.

Within this 3 month, sometimes I did cry. To be honest I cried a lot. Although I keep updating the happy and funny things on my Facebook and Instagram, I did upload my latest picture of me and of course I was smiling back then but there’s a time I lost control. As I said earlier, I’m trying. Really I’m trying hard.

It’s not affect only me, but people surrounding me too. The closest person beside me of course is my husband. I know he’s still struggling, learning and trying too. He sacrificed a lot and so did I. It’s just a matter of a time and I hope things would get better and easier for me and of course for both of us in the future. There’s one day back then, I feel so much in pain not physically but emotionally, I cried hard to Allah during the prayer after performed solat isyak. At that moment, nobody would really understand me except HIM. My husband heard me crying even I close the door. After I finished my prayer, my husband entered the room and hugged me. I know he’s sad too. There’s a lot of thing that I can’t deliver as normal married couple out there and one of it is I can’t get pregnant, at least for a 5 years from now on. It’s hard for me to know the fact that I’m the one who had an issue. I did asked my husband, why Allah give me cancer but at the same time Allah didn’t allowed me to have my own child? Why it always be me? My husband couldn’t get the answer. He just hugging me and try to calm me as best as he could. As I said earlier I did lost control out of my emotion and it’s happen so many times.

Slowly we are trying to adjust so many things. We need to accept and redha that I was sick and things were changed after all. I’d always read about the other cancer patient experience because I did realized I’m not the only one that had been tested. There were so many of them who had so much in pain in term of so many things compare than me. But they did survive and why can’t I? They did enjoy every single things to the fullest and why can’t I? Even Siti Nurhaliza have been trying to get pregnant for the past 11 years. Plus she didn’t have a cancer but it took them for 11 years to have their own kids. Astaghfirullah I just snapped and stuck. Why did I judge Allah for the things that were happened to me? I’m supposed to have a good faith toward Allah instead of blaming HIM. I’m trying. Believe me I’m trying. We often tend to see the things that we can’t get other than the things that were given to us, right?

Therefore, slowly we tried to get busy with other things and try to enjoy our life as much as we could because believe me life is too short. For an example currently I’m more into blogging while my husband start to get busy with his new hobby. I have a husband, my parents are still alive, my siblings, my family in law, my niece and nephew and not to forget my friends. I have a good job currently. I have my own car and house. I have no financial problems so far. What else could I asked for. Allah give what’s the best for me and not that I need. Nothing more could I said except Alhamdulillah. If you having an issues or any problem in your life, take a big and deep breath and try to see there’s so much beautiful things that were given to you. I’m still learning and so do you. 



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